Coffee and Credit

So Jack the lad in his cheapy suit with his quasi business colleagues walks up to pay. I swipe his card and it is declined. Joy of joys, how can I maximize his humiliation? I don’t know how she does it but the boss reads my mind and puts on the “don’t you dare” face that I know and fear so well. So I discretely whisper, “I am sorry but this card seems to have expired”. Instead of picking up my tactful clue Captain Numbnuts says nice and loud “It can’t be it has another year to run, swipe it again. Well can you imagine my feelings? I really really want to tell it like it is, the boss is still wearing the “don’t” face and this insolvent dickwad is giving me grief. Smiling as sympathetically as I can, I respectfully inform him that I did and ask if he might possibly have an alternative form of payment. Jack the lad folds faster than Superman on laundry day and we get it all squared away.

Note to Chase Manhattan. When you provide your credit card reader I would like the complete and utter bastard software. This is the version that does not quietly say, “declined”. No, I require a klaxon and a big neon sign in the shape of a pointing finger. If you could append a mp3 of Morgan Freeman shouting “Loser” that would be fine.