Coffee and the Bathroom secret

This should really be called Beer and the Bathroom secret but that doesn’t really scan.

It is not unknown for the boss and I to retire to a local tavern and tie one on as we used to say in England. So the other night we were once again abusing our livers when the boss announces that she needs a bathroom break. For the longest time I have been in awe of ladies that use public restrooms or more correctly ladies who hover. You girls know what I am talking about but for the benefit of any pre pubescent males reading this, let me explain. When ladies visit a public bathroom they hover over the pan without actually touching anything. I cannot imagine the strain on your thighs but well done you. For me, after 8 pints of Milwaukee’s finest I can barely walk to the bathroom let alone hover. My patented technique is what I refer to as the tripod. This comprises of spreading my legs and then leaning forward until my forehead touches the tiled wall. There is something very reassuring about the cool feel of tile on my fevered brow. Anyway this locks me in place so no matter how much the room sways I am good. The addition bonus is that I now have both hands free to search for the maggot before the bladder seal prematurely bursts.

So the boss returns suitably drained and once again I tell her how I admire that old squat and hover stuff when she tells me that she doesn’t do that anymore. Really why is that I ask. She replied “Well I realized that it isn’t me who is going to be licking the backs of my thighs later tonight”.

Pass the Listerine.