Coffee and the age of innocence

It has to be said that Smalltown, Virginia has a dearth of what might be called fine dining restaurants. This is the only thing I miss about the DC Metro area as I have always been an oral retentive (thanks for nothing Mummy). Anyway, if you have a major family celebration coming up you are pretty much going to end up in Applebees. Of course for some even Applebees is too lavish and I once saw a wedding reception in Burger King. It was quite a nice affair and the young bride, who must have been all of 20, was accompanied to the register by her 6 children in bridesmaids bib jeans. Having just got inked up myself I look out for tattoos and this bride had a beauty. Right across the back her neck it said, “Let go of my ears I know what I’m doing”. I digress.

So the boss and I are in Applebees, accompanied by fruit of the loin 1 and fruit of the loin 2. Purely by chance this was all you can eat ribs night and these suckers were about to regret the night they met the coffee bitch. Hours later I was done but covered in barbeque sauce. Moist towlettes being too upper class for the Smalltown Applebees I turned to the boss and asked if she had any. Of course she did (I once asked if she had 5cl of chainsaw oil and she did, I didn’t use it as it was 5W/30 and I needed 10W/25). I ripped open the sachet and cleaned up real nice. With an odd look on her face, fruit of the loin 1 asked the boss if that was Summer Eve. The boss just smiled and imperceptibly nodded her head. This caused FOTL1 and FOTL 2 to howl with laughter and the surrounding servers to nudge each other and wink. Alarm bells started to ring and I read the instructions on the packet. OH MY GOD! That is disgusting, I had no idea such things even existed. OK we are out of here to do something manly before this stuff sinks into my bloodstream and I start to ovulate.

I guess that I must be the only person who doesn’t know what Summer Eve is. We had to pass the bar to get to the exit and picking up the scent a hairy arsed old biker blew me a kiss as I ran out.

Pass the Clorox