The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616),
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616),
"The Merchant of Venice", Act 4 scene 1
Just before 9:00 a young lad walks in and orders a large black one. He is clearly fashion challenged and has that pasty look of a French aristocrat who has just been told that a tumbrel has arrived at the front door. I gave him his caffeine and he plonks himself in the corner. At about 9:15 one of my visiting attorneys from Bigtown rushes in orders a coffee and starts to tell me that his client, who was due to be sentenced today, has failed to show. (I like this guy as he once described his job as getting bad people off so that they can continue to do bad things to good people). I gave him a quizzical look and nodded to the corner, yes indeed it was his errant scumbag. “What the hell are you doing here” he exclaimed. “Well” says scumbag “ I am going to prison today so how can things get worse?” According to my man they could get much worse as the judge was likely to add contempt of court to his seventeen (yes seventeen) felony charges, and that would double his sentence. That was enough to persuade the young man in the disco shirt to face the music like a man. After they had gone I bussed the table only to find that disco boy had failed to tip me. This was surprising, as we all knew that he was not going to need money where he was going. People can be very selfish at times so I sincerely hoped that Mrs Mental had overcooked Judge Mental’s boiled egg and put him in a bad mood. Alas not even that prayer was answered as I later learned that the Judge had forgiven the little tightwad’s contempt and given him just twenty months in the bighouse. Now if only failure to tip was a felony. As far as I am concerned Shakespeare can stick his quality of mercy nonsense, let’s fire up Ol’ Sparky.
Later that day Bertie Grabbitt (Sue, Grabbitt and Runne LLP) came in for a chat. He has just been appointed in the defense of a motorist in trouble. As (apparently) drugs are involved, the villain of the piece faces two counts of vehicular manslaughter. As a slight aside I have to admire Bertie’s professional etiquette. Whenever I refer to his clients as scumbags he always corrects me with “alleged scumbag”. Anyway as I type this, the alleged scumbag is lying in hospital with two smashed legs and is being served with papers (or whatever the correct term is). The Assistant District Attorney wants bail set at $50,000, although, with no legs, this guy can hardly be described as a flight risk. Bertie pointed out that the alleged scumbag has no money or insurance so he will not be posting bail. If he is locked up pending trial he becomes the Sheriff’s responsibility and the Sheriff will end up picking up the medical tab. The latest news is that the Sheriff is arguing that bail should be set at 25 cents. All of this gives me an idea for anyone with appendicitis and no medical insurance. At the first tinge of a guts ache moon the Sheriff. As soon as the jail door slams shut writhe around on the floor in agony and get taken to the hospital. Appendix removed for free (well on the Sheriff’s tab) and you get seven days of fetching and carrying. You might even be collecting jury lunches and coffees from me. If you do, don’t forget to tip me, remember I have powerful friends here in Kissbotty County.
Changing the law one statute at a time.
TCB
Just before 9:00 a young lad walks in and orders a large black one. He is clearly fashion challenged and has that pasty look of a French aristocrat who has just been told that a tumbrel has arrived at the front door. I gave him his caffeine and he plonks himself in the corner. At about 9:15 one of my visiting attorneys from Bigtown rushes in orders a coffee and starts to tell me that his client, who was due to be sentenced today, has failed to show. (I like this guy as he once described his job as getting bad people off so that they can continue to do bad things to good people). I gave him a quizzical look and nodded to the corner, yes indeed it was his errant scumbag. “What the hell are you doing here” he exclaimed. “Well” says scumbag “ I am going to prison today so how can things get worse?” According to my man they could get much worse as the judge was likely to add contempt of court to his seventeen (yes seventeen) felony charges, and that would double his sentence. That was enough to persuade the young man in the disco shirt to face the music like a man. After they had gone I bussed the table only to find that disco boy had failed to tip me. This was surprising, as we all knew that he was not going to need money where he was going. People can be very selfish at times so I sincerely hoped that Mrs Mental had overcooked Judge Mental’s boiled egg and put him in a bad mood. Alas not even that prayer was answered as I later learned that the Judge had forgiven the little tightwad’s contempt and given him just twenty months in the bighouse. Now if only failure to tip was a felony. As far as I am concerned Shakespeare can stick his quality of mercy nonsense, let’s fire up Ol’ Sparky.
Later that day Bertie Grabbitt (Sue, Grabbitt and Runne LLP) came in for a chat. He has just been appointed in the defense of a motorist in trouble. As (apparently) drugs are involved, the villain of the piece faces two counts of vehicular manslaughter. As a slight aside I have to admire Bertie’s professional etiquette. Whenever I refer to his clients as scumbags he always corrects me with “alleged scumbag”. Anyway as I type this, the alleged scumbag is lying in hospital with two smashed legs and is being served with papers (or whatever the correct term is). The Assistant District Attorney wants bail set at $50,000, although, with no legs, this guy can hardly be described as a flight risk. Bertie pointed out that the alleged scumbag has no money or insurance so he will not be posting bail. If he is locked up pending trial he becomes the Sheriff’s responsibility and the Sheriff will end up picking up the medical tab. The latest news is that the Sheriff is arguing that bail should be set at 25 cents. All of this gives me an idea for anyone with appendicitis and no medical insurance. At the first tinge of a guts ache moon the Sheriff. As soon as the jail door slams shut writhe around on the floor in agony and get taken to the hospital. Appendix removed for free (well on the Sheriff’s tab) and you get seven days of fetching and carrying. You might even be collecting jury lunches and coffees from me. If you do, don’t forget to tip me, remember I have powerful friends here in Kissbotty County.
Changing the law one statute at a time.
TCB
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