Coffee and Erotica

I have to confess that things have been a little slow on the lovin’ front of late. I have a bad feeling that I might have breeched a confidence when I blogged the Rodeo position last week. Anyway for whatever reason I have had to hang up the spurs for a while. Now it is scientifically proven that when one is getting plenty of humpty dumpty, one emits pheromones that makes one more attractive to the opposite sex and the end result is that one becomes mentally, physically and emotionally drained. Conversely (and nature can be horribly cruel in this regard) when you are getting none, you get even less. So amidst the barren desert that is currently my love life, two little pieces of erotica wandered in and I thought that, in the absence of anything more physical to do, I would share them with you.

The first incident involved the Digital Queen of Smallville who popped in for lunch. I don’t know if it was my hangdog expression or the complete lack of pheromones but for some reason she decided to taunt me with the details of her workout. Apparently she does something called “quiverless buns” or something. This workout is so demanding that she can hardly move the next day. So she is giving me all the details involving squats and lunges and weights as well as rivulets of perspiration running down hidden crevices. (On reflection I may have imagined the sweat, but you get the point). Tomorrow I shall call her trainer and find out when her next session is and when she is too tired to get away I shall pounce. Then we will see who has quiverless buns. In the meantime I shall content myself with continuing to check her out as she leaves, and that my friends is probably the closest I shall get to getting some ass for the next few weeks.

Erotica part II. Here in Kissbotty County one has to hauls one’s own trash. So I was at the dumpster when I spotted a fair looking woman off loading her crap. She was kind of big boned in a muscular country way, wearing tight jeans and a tighter top. She had that dirty blond hair style and as she climbed onto the bed of her truck her top rode up to reveal one of those slutty tattoos across the small of her back. Her body language basically radiated the message “Yes I do, and what is more I am very good at it”. As I limped my way to the dumpster I swear to God she smiled and winked at me. Having set the scene here comes the erotica. She was driving a Ram 2500 Diesel Laramie package with a 9-inch lift, 20-inch chromes and Pirelli slicks. And if that doesn’t give you a chubby then you must be one of those Californian pansies that drive a Honda Hybrid.