Coffee and the Dream

Have you ever had that dream where you are at work and you suddenly realize that you are naked? I did last weekend and it wasn’t a dream. Here is how it went down.

Every fourth Saturday we open the Coffee House for a Ladies Church group, they are a charming bunch and we enjoy looking after them. At about 10:30 they are all done and they wander off to spread the word or whatever. As we were already in town we decided to indulge in a spot of shopping. During the week I had seen that Smalltown’s Gun, Live Bait and Pawn Store was closing down. Now for the longest time I have been itching to own a side lever percussion cap black powder 50-caliber mountain rifle (I only mention the details in case any of my vast army of readers feels the need to get me a Valentine’s Day present). So the Boss and I were in the store only to find that the vultures had pretty much cleaned the place out. I wandered around aimlessly in my white shirt and black pants feeling, for some unknown reason, just a little uneasy. I could hear a faint murmur and could not help but to think I was the subject of the whispers. Then it hit me. Oh dear God I was the only one in there not wearing camouflage. Never have I felt more emasculated, I was naked amongst real men. There was only one thing to do and that was run. To add insult to injury the only vehicle outside that wasn’t a pickup was our company mini van. I am going to have to leave town.

Addendum One

To cheer me up the Boss took me to the Walmarts to get some beer. There we were at 11:30 with just a case of long necks in the cart when we bumped into one of the Ladies of the church group. I looked at her, the cart and then the Boss and blurted out “That’s her breakfast in the cart” She looked at me, smiled and replied, “That’s OK, I might be a Christian but I ain’t no saint”. Now that my friends is a God botherer that I could live with.

Addendum Two.

It transpires that the Smalltown Gun, Live Bait and Pawn Store is closing down due to the harassment of the New York District Attorney. Allegedly some guns that originally came from the store ended up in the hands of New York scumbags (who I believe make up the greater percentage of the population). I cannot imagine that New York miscreants travel all the way to south Virginia to buy guns so this persecution of Virginia tradesmen seems somewhat convoluted. As I recall the war of northern aggression was caused by the north interfering with the commerce of the south. It seems like these people never learn, perhaps they will soon come realize that that spot of unpleasantness at the Appomattox Court House was simply the longest cease fire in the history of the CSA. New Yorkers also need to realize that guns don’t kill people, people kill people. (Although I admit, pointing your finger and shouting bang, bang does not have the same effect).

Well that’s enough ranting as I seem to have got of the point a touch. Here is a little situation for you to work on and determine your stand on the second amendment.

You're walking through a scummy area of New York City (that is to say almost anywhere) with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner and is running at you while screaming obscenities. In your pocket is a Glock 30 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

New York Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that is inspiring him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.

Virginia Answer:
BANG!

Coffee Bitch's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click Drop the clip, reload
Boss: "CB, he looks like he's still moving, what do you kids think?"
FOTL1: "The Boss is right CB, I saw it too..." BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
FOTL2: "Nice grouping CB!"