Coffee and Outrage

From time to time I like to check up on how the champagne socialists back in the old country are slowly destroying a once great nation. It serves as a constant reminder of how fortunate I am to be here in Kissbotty where the men are men and women are exquisitely delicious visions of loveliness. ( Hmm I am not sure where that came from, I suspect that that boss has hacked into my blog, oh well). Well today I see that the British Post Office has released a new Christmas stamp and I have to wonder what this all about. It is quite clear to me that Santa is taking a dump down some unfortunate’s chimney. I guess he checked his list twice and found that this little girl had been naughty. My outrage is caused by the fact that Queenie, aka little Lizzy Windsor, is being forced to watch this pornography. So I did a little research and discovered that the designer of the stamp is Japanese and that explains everything. For reasons that I have never fathomed, the Japanese are fascinated with their bodily functions and particularly bottoms. Some of the finest scat porn that I have ever accidentally stumbled on has been Japanese so perhaps making the Queen watch a dump is their revenge for that spot of unpleasantness in 1945.

Talking of bodily functions here is an absolutely true story courtesy of my friends at Kissbotty Radio (home to all the hits). Yesterday the song…. carol ended and then nothing. Well I know nothing about broadcasting but I know that dead air as it is called is the biggest no no there is. The peace and quiet was such a relief and then I caught myself humming Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, I now know that I am going slowly insane here. After about two minutes we got yet another version of Silver Bells and we were on our way again. Well, today the “presenter” ‘fessed up. It turns out that he forgot that songs of the 50’s were only on average two minutes long. Feeling the urgent need of a comfort break, he put on White Christmas (for the 100th time) and grabbing the Bigtown News headed of to the cludge for a monster movement. Half way through it dawned on him that the speaker in the bog had gone dangerously quiet and he was forced to do the stiff legged shuffle back to the studio in order to torture me once more. Such is life in Kissbotty County.

Finally courtesy of Kissbotty Radio I now think about Christmas carols all the time. You know how sad lonely people call radio stations and say "That song was written about me, that is my life in a song". Well these carols may have been written for you. I respectfully present for your approval;

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Queens Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming (To Get Me).

PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then maybe I'll tell you why.

DEPRESSION - Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell...

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).

Only another 26 days of Kissbotty Carols to go, I'm buying a gun.

Happy Christmas
TCB

PS following the comment from DQ, here's one for you baby,

ADD - It's begining to look a lot like .......... Who wants to go for a bike ride?