One of the many things that I have learned being the Coffee Bitch is that marketing is a skill. Here in Smalltown (and in Kissbotty County for that matter) there are no Rolls Royce dealers. There are however countless tractor dealers and you can see where I am going with this. You cannot sell brioche to a market that wants biscuits and gravy (for less than $1). So I have been observing our morning customers to see exactly what they want in order to be able to accommodate them. Starting from Monday the new breakfast menu will be a set price of $2.75 + tax, which is $3 even and includes;
A bagel
A small coffee
A glass of iced water
A spot of scintillating Bitch conversation
A monster dump that closes the trap for 20 minutes and sends the roaches scurrying for the backdoor with handkerchiefs over their little noses.
Seriously ladies, there are certain things that you should not be doing in public and one of them is a bodily function. This should be reserved for the privacy of your own boudoir and to be frank if you need to be blocking my cludgy at 7:30 in the morning you may want to have a word with your proctologist. Thank you.
Talking of bodily functions in public, if you enter a fast food restaurant solely to use the facilities, this is known as taking a McShit. If you are caught by the pimply-faced retard on guard and you tell him that you will purchase something after visiting the bathroom, then this is a McShit with lies. This happened to me just last week. I went into the crapper to find said retard cleaning up vomit from behind the bowl. His shirt said “I’m loving it” but the poor bastard’s face told a different story I can tell you.
No comments:
Post a Comment