Coffee and the notes

A little while ago we hosted a party for about 16 adults. It was all rather jolly although slightly marred, in my not so humble opinion, by the presence of some children. I don’t know why people would think that their snots would be welcomed or even wanted at these bashes but clearly they do. I suppose these mothers feel some sort of conscience at dumping the brats off in childcare from 7 until 3 so to assuage their collective feelings of guilt they dump the snot on me. To be fair I should say that all the little snots were actually quite well behaved and the afternoon turned out to be quite bearable. Just as we were winding down one of the mothers snuck up on me with a note that her little angel had written that she wanted to make sure wasn't thrown out with the trash (like I would, really).



Anyway I have to say that I find love notes from children somewhat disturbing, rather like seeing adults in Boy Scout uniforms, it just creeps me out. Although the same cannot be said for fit young ladies dressed in Girl Guide uniforms in fact I could do with seeing that quite a bit more often, actually I might have to have a good hard think about that right now. OK I'm back, where was I? Oh yes, so later I looked at the little boy's love letter (shudder) and realized that he had crossed the heart out. So does this mean that he was actually saying that he hates me? I do hope so. For a start that grosses me out a lot less. Secondly, as you know, I am an ethnic minority. This means that his little note now falls under the category of a hate crime. Should I care to report him he is guaranteed at least 5 years in a federal lock up. I am not sure if Virginia executes children or whether that is just Texas but I think I shall call the Feds anyway. That buzzing sound you can hear is Governor Kaine firing up old sparky.

Later that day an odd looking old bird staggered in. She was dressed like a 60-year-old goth and to be brutally honest smelled rather of the juniper berry. Still, she was no trouble and eventually wobbled off into the night. When I came to bus her table I found this card.


Damn why would she do that? Jesus might be my savior but in this Coffee House the boss is God and a vengeful God at that. So people if you want to leave the Bitch hate mail or love notes or save my soul, just write on the back of an Alexander and I promise that your note will not be on the fast track to room 101.