Coffee and Sex

Many decades ago when I was a mere lad "coffee" was the big dating double entendre. Having spent my hard earned wedge on a pint of stout and a bag of chips I knew I was about to score if I heard the word coffee. However I soon realized that one has to be somewhat careful as "Would you like to come in for coffee?" isn’t the same as "Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?" Many people think they're in interchangeable, but they're completely wrong. "A cup of coffee" means a cup of coffee. "Coffee" means sex. So, for the benefit of those still on the prowl and having established the language of love I have these days come to the conclusion that a cup of coffee is better than an offer of sex. So with apologies to DQ who I know will disagree, read on


A long black coffee is in fact long and black.
You can always start the day with good coffee.
Coffee doesn't leave hairs in your teeth.
Coffee always goes down smoothly.
Drinking coffee on your own doesn't make you feel like a sad loser. Sex on the other hand…..
You don't get into trouble for having coffee in front of your parents.
Spilling coffee in your bed leaves a wet patch, but you hardly ever spill it. Sex on the other hand……….
You can have great coffee with your sister.
There's no moral or ethical dilemma in paying for coffee.
Coffee tastes great.
A cup of coffee never complains if you want to use another cup for a change.
You can make coffee last as long as you want.
It is possible to drink a cup of coffee even when you're really legless.
Coffee doesn’t care how many other cups you have had before.
Coffee comes in different flavors!
A cup of coffee doesn’t get mad if you drink from another cup.
You can eat sammiches while you have your coffee.
You don’t get sneered at for being addicted to caffeine.
With $1.25 you can have free refills of coffee; with sex how much can you get for $1.25?
You can light up a cigarette halfway through a coffee.
The checkout chicks at the supermarket never give you 'that look' when you're buying coffee.
You can make a coffee for your co-worker without fear of charges being made
When your done, it takes less than a minute to make another coffee no matter what mood you’re in.
Coffee never seems to have a headache.
A coffee will never leave you for a better drinker.
Your usual cappuccino won't feel hurt when you go out and order a hot Guatemalan coffee instead.
Your coffee doesn't whine on about needing a cuddle after you've drunk it.
If you watch someone else having coffee you don't get called a voyeur.
You can have a coffee in the workplace without having to wait until everyone else has gone home.
Coffee can be tasted the whole night, sex only few seconds. [A few seconds!? Not a great ad for yourself there CB]
You don't have to wait until your birthday for a coffee.
Coffee never lies to you. It never tells you it loves you and will never leave you and then go off with some stupid, illiterate, ugly bimbo AND it's supposed to be BITTER!
No one ever threw their back out while drinking coffee.
If your coffee is bad you can just tip it down the sink!
You cant get pregnant drinking coffee.
Coffee doesn't care if was as good for you as what it was for it!
Plunger coffee is an easy everyday pleasure. Plunger sex involves a bungee cord and immense amounts of trust.
You don't get arrested for enjoying coffee by yourself in a public place.
Coffee doesn't insist on you buying clothes for it after.
Impotent sex is bad but impotent coffee is simply decaf.
After you are finished coffee never asks "What are you thinking?"
There are no dilemas with coffee, always swallow.
You don't have people prying for details after they find out you had a cup of coffee last night.
You can fantasize about famous coffees and not feel like a loser.

Damn I've even bored myself now. OK it's time for me to get back to work and to be frank I think that you should be working as well