Coffee and Pies (part III)

After posting Coffee and Pies I have been informed that I dodged a bullet with this judging business. It transpires that the ladies of Kissbotty County who do bother to enter their pies take this thing way too seriously and apparently hell hath no fury like a woman whose pies have been scorned.

After last year’s fair the pie judge was found dead under strange circumstances with a plastic bag over his head and a third place rosette inserted into his rectum. Apropos nothing at all, all of the Kissbotty deputies are women, I don’t know what this says about the Sheriff’s proclivities but I can tell you they were pretty damn quick to close the case and according to the crime report it was an autoerotic misadventure. Now the plastic bag I can understand, after all who amongst us hasn’t felt the urge to slip a Ziplock over our head and pick up a copy of Cheeks Apart Plus (volume 27), I know that I have. Still I can’t help feeling that the ladies in brown were overly keen to hush things up and perhaps that rosette was a bit of a clue.

Anyhow as a result of last year’ spot of unpleasantness it seems like the ladies are keeping a low profile this year and this is the reason why I only had one pie to judge. So I did not get to scorn anyone’s pies and for this small mercy my colon and I will be eternally grateful.

From now on I shall restrict myself to judging the Boss’s cottage pie, which incidentally has nothing at all to do with this fine old British Tradition.

Yours in mastication,

TCB