Coffee and Court

Once again from the "you could not make this stuff up" department we have another true tale from the Coffee House.

Judge Mental was in yesterday for his lunch which was unusual as he doesn't normally do a Friday. I suspected that he had read the blog and was angling for his free lunch. Well I can tell you that he angled in vane because as we say in the corporate world, he has missed his window of opportunity for a blue horizon gratis gastronome experience (Damn, I wish I knew what that meant). Still I was nevertheless bowing and scraping and treating him with the reverence that his omnipotent powers demand.

After he left the lady at the next table (who had clearly been eavesdropping on my ingratiation) asked if the was Judge Mental. She then went on to explain that she was supposed to be in front of him that morning but had sat in the wrong court. Now the Circuit Court was not sitting on Friday so she clearly spent all morning in the Juvenile Court. She missed the fact that Judge Mental is a man, Judge Jenny Taylia (Juvenile Court) is clearly a woman (and what a woman) and she saw a parade of children being sentenced to deportation to Smallscrote County, or whatever they do.

She had traveled from South Carolina and the other party had flown in from Seattle and she had blown it. Now she is asking me if I think that Judge Mental will reschedule. Well I discovered many years ago that unhappy customers seldom tip very well so I told her that he certainly would and not to worry as this happens all the time. The truth, of course, is somewhat different and I still recall with schadenfreude the day that (Simple) Simon Hemmer (Hemmer, Royd and Piles LLP) spent a morning in my arms and tears when Judge Mental found for the defendant because he was 5 minutes late for court.

I hope that she learnt a lesson here as she decided not to have her attorney in court because he had already ripped her for a grand for some trivial paperwork. Of course had she used the legal beagle then she might have ended up in the right court and perhaps even won her case.

I tell you, bloody lawyers, You can't live with them and you can't live without them. The bastards.