The Bitch Shows and Tells

Another day of laughter and lattes draws to a happy conclusion. We actually had a blinding day as the register showed we took $575,121, comfortably a Coffee House record. Sadly closer inspection revealed that the total might have been due to my ineptitude when playing the Boss’s piano (aka the register). So not only was the register light by some $574,534 but we now owe Virginia $28,756.05 in sales tax and Smalltown $23,004.84 in meals tax. Now I don’t know how staff appraisals are done at GE and Hewlett Packard but here in the Coffee House they are done with a swift knee to the groin, which is why, once again, I am typing whilst sitting in a bucket of iced water.

A little earlier we played a game of show and tell. As you will recall I decided to get myself inked up again and put a portrait of FOTL2 on my shoulder. You will also recall that DQ showed more than a passing interest. Well DQ and DQ’sF were in and DQ decided that she wanted a sneak peek. So I showed my artwork, DQ’sF showed her belly button stud (and damned exotic it was too) and DQ showed ….. errr…. emmm oh that’s right, nothing, zip, nada. What a rip. I tell you people I am so getting that woman inked up. I figure a small coffee bean under the bikini line maybe. Try explaining that one away to Mr. DQ

Finally do you remember Coffee and the age of innocence? If not click the link. I was thrilled to see that even the Bard is in on the act. Hundreds of years ago he said it far more eloquently than I ever could.

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's Day?

Better to that than to the Summer's Eve,

A popular feminine deodorant spray

That hardly puts me in the mood for love.

-William Shakespeare

TCB

Coffee and Body Art

It’s been a funny start to the week. Mondays are usually our graveyard days. I have zip to do (apart from looking busy so that the Boss doesn’t find work for idle hands). I have set up a few mirrors so that I can sit at my coffee station and look into the kitchen. I tell you, I can watch women work all day. The mirrors also have the advantage of alerting me to the approach of the Boss so that I can a) look busy and b) wipe the pastry crumbs off my apron. It’s a life I tell you. For some bizarre reason Monday was huge, we never stopped working and that is what I need to talk to you about. You see when we are busy and you arrive, you can be assured that the service is going to be crappier than normal. So it seems to me that you have a few options. The best plan (A) would be to come in, leave a nice big tip, apologize for bothering me when I am busy and leave. Failing this you could walk around the block a couple of times and see how we are on your return. If we are still busy revert to plan A and we will all be happy. Anyway give it some thought and we can see how it goes.

In contrast Tuesday was so quiet even the roaches came out for a picnic. I was so bored I decided that I would go get myself inked up again. This body art business is hugely addictive which is odd as it is not exactly pleasant. It is not that it hurts or anything, it is just a long, long time to be sitting still. Well I was discussing this with DQ and she was looking at me with that mixture of interest and apprehension. We chatted a bit more and I think that she might be a candidate for a spot of body art. Of course it might be more fun not to involve her in the decision loop. I think perhaps a roofie latte, bundled into the back of the company minivan and a trip to Magic Dan’s needle emporium. Now what would DQ like to wake up to tomorrow morning? Perhaps a horny little devil?

I really do have too much time on my hands don’t I?
TCB