Coffee and College

Lawdy, lawdy, what a weekend, I am wrecked. As you will doubtless recall (like you care) last weekend was graduation weekend at Collegetown. As it all started at 8:00 I was out of my love chamber at 5:00 so as to make it on time. The hooding ceremony went real well and as a bonus they didn’t waste any of my time with speeches, they just got on with it. For the benefit of the hard of hearing they had one of those sign people working nineteen to the dozen. Halfway through I realized that this would be a perfect job for me to add a little fun for the deaf people, and heaven knows they need some extra fun.

Welcome to the 2007 hooding ceremony (and please fondle my buttocks). Today we celebrate the achievements of our graduate students (I am wearing women’s underwear). Before we start I would just like to say (I am soooo gay).Well you get the picture and this does not even include the obscene gestures (did he just flip me off?). Yes indeed that is a job that I could do with relish.

In contrast to the hooding ceremony the awarding of the undergraduate degrees was three hours of drawn out misery. Why on earth these people would think that I would be interested in their anecdotal stories of childhood is beyond me. To rub salt into the wounds FOTL1 told me that the college actually pays these professional bores to speak. So there is another job I could do.

Due to a bit of a cock up on the booking front I booked a birthday party for the same day as graduation. This is why I generally let the Boss do all of the work in the Coffee House whilst I put the world to rights in conversation with our customers. Well the outcome was that we had to thrash back to Smalltown and set up 20 cream teas. The only high spot of the afternoon was when one of my customers told me that she wasn’t wearing any panties. Well as I am sure you can imagine this certainly captured my attention, however as I span round I discovered to my chagrin that the confessor was about 3 years old. Her mother rushed over in a fluster of embarrassment and explained that they had just had a slight bathroom incident and no spare underwear. Apparently the little girl thought that this was so neat she was going to find “the man” and tell him. Well little girl I salute you for being so young and already realizing that the Coffee Bitch is “the man”. If your dress sense does not improve in the next 15 years come back and see me.

We were supposed to move FOTL2 out of college after graduation but due to my double booking our Saturday afternoon I, once again, found myself zipping down the interstate for the second time in two days. Has anyone else noticed what a luxurious life style college kids have these days? I only came to realize this as I loaded computers, TVs, fridges, futons and a ton of other assorted girly crap onto the truck. By the time we were finished we looked like the Clampetts going to Beverly Hills. I did try to get the Boss to sit on the futon on the way back but as usual even my smallest of dreams were dashed. I think that FOTL2 was so embarrassed by my impression of the Joad family that she just got in her car and headed north, leaving me and the Boss to haul her crap. I am tempted to make her offload the truck herself but I know that if I try that on then all her stuff will sit in the truck until August when I have to haul it back to Collegetown, and there’s a thought, in just a few short weeks I will be doing it all again.

What a life.