Coffee and the General

As the faithful reader will recall our little coffee house is situated right next to the Smalltown courthouse. Of course you won’t know, and why should you, that there is a very fine statue in the courthouse garden of General Jubal Early who fought bravely for the Confederacy and I quote.

"Virginia holds the dust of many a faithful son, but not of one whom loved her more, who fought for her better, or would have died for her more willingly."
Senator John Warwick Daniel – 1894

During the war of northern aggression,as it should be correctly described, the Yankee hoard could not defeat the General and General Lee (God rest his soul) referred to him as “my bad boy”. Even Lincoln begrudgingly admitted that the heroic actions of Jubal extended the war (of northern aggression) by at least 9 months.

Sadly the brave General, who was a son of Smalltown, was no match for a drunken redneck in a pickup truck. The General is now a pile of smashed granite and as a final indignity he was decapitated by a F150 and his head rolled down the hill, ironically in the direction of the hospital.

This morning (and I swear this is all true) I caught Bertie Grabbitt (Sue Grabbitt and Runne LLP) inspecting the scene. I naturally assumed that he was now plumbing the depths of ambulance chasing, that is to say statue chasing. However, it turns out that I was wrong as the razor sharp mind of Bertie is working on a defense. How can you defend a drunken redneck in a pickup who decapitates a General I hear you cry, well from the mind of Bertie comes the defense.

Apparently you cannot build a brick postbox on a highway. This is because if a motorist hits a solid postbox then the Post Office is liable. So if the General was standing too close to the road then the drunken redneck may have a claim. Only in America. Of course the faithful reader will remember that Bertie is from New York and I think that says it all. Watch this space I shall faithfully report the legal proceedings.

TCB

PS To be pathetically serious for the briefest of moments I am pissed. We live in a throwaway society. Spouse bothering you? Throw them away. Architecturally atheistic building needs maintenance? Tear it down and build another out of pre-formed concrete. General Jubal Early has stood outside the courthouse for well over a hundred years and now he has gone, murdered by one of his own. I hope that he will be replaced in bronze and granite but I expect doing nothing or, even worse, concrete will prove to be cheaper. Thank God it is Friday, in 12 hours I shall be in the hot tub sleeping in the arms of my favorite Greek God, Bacchus, and General Jubal A Early will be a distant memory of when life was just a little better.