Coffee and Sickness

Bonjour, ma petit choux. I am back. I haven’t blogged forever as we got incredibly busy for the longest time and to be quite frank after a hard day of overcharging and shortchanging I never quite fancied writing about it. Then something happened that has not happened for 10 years, I got sick. I got so sick we actually had to shut down. Now I wasn’t exactly at death’s door, but I was sick enough to watch daytime television so it was almost like dying. In a coma like trance I watched a program where obese women with pendulous breasts and no bras, rush to the front of the audience, guess the price of a piece of trailer trash furniture and win a car. It was a triumph of mindless nonsense and is possibly the only program so simple that all the rules are contained in the title. It is called the “Price is Right” and America, I weep for you.

I was also bemused by the advertising, which let me tell you, outnumbered the programming by two to one. Here is a thought, if you are advertising payday loans or title loans or any of those other legal loan shark deals, should you not advertise to working people? You see advertising loans to people who are watching daytime television seems to me to be a recipe for not getting a loan repaid, unless the master plan is not to get repaid but to get your hands on the title to the family car. Still worse than this are the adverts that scream at me. “PAY ATTENTION MORON, PUT KAABOOM DOWN YOUR TOILET AND NEVER CLEAN IT AGAIN, DO IT NOW MORON”. Jesus if I had the strength to get my Magnum 500 I would have shown that bearded twat Billy Mays a thing or two.
Well if daytime TV is a plot to get the malingerers back to work, it worked on my sick ass. I tell you people I would rather be circumcised by a meth addict coming down from a five day high, whilst suffering from a grand mal seizure and wielding a rusty grapefruit knife than watch anymore daytime TV.