Coffee and Guns (part , oh whatever)

Finally we got some shootin’ in. One of our faithful customers who has a spot of land in the depths of Kissbotty county invited us to his place in order to mix and match guns and have a little fun. You will recall from earlier blogs that the hunting experience in the UK involves considerable volumes of food and it looks like the same applies in rural Kissbotty although I believe it is called victuals or something. Anyway the preshooting experience included gallons of coffee, OJ and mountains of food and after that, well the shootin’ was the cherry on the cake.

They gave the Boss a 38 Walther PPK to try out. (In case that rings a bell, it is James Bond’s sidearm of choice). Well after she finished everyone’s mouth just dropped open. It may have been the fact that she killed three coke cans out of four (and let me tell you people, at 14 yards that is no mean feat). Or it may have been that as she did it she screamed “Take that you motherless little sons of a ^%$#@!. Whatever, it was all round a damned impressive performance, which may be repeated in the Coffee House one day so just watch out all you complainers.

After we ran the gamut of 44’s and 45’s I pulled out my 50 caliber Desert Eagle, which really is a dichotomy of a firearm. The DE is about the size of a cinder block and weighs about the same. When you pull it out at the range, mere mortals quiver at your overt manliness and nubile virgins (who are few and far between here in Kissbotty) instantly throw themselves at your feet and offer their virtue. However the DE has a major design flaw and that is that the spent round is ejected not from the side where it should be, but vertically. This ensures that a red-hot casing is almost guaranteed to hit you in the face. If you are really unlucky it will also jam across the bridge of your safety glasses causing you to scream like a girl and ruin the illusion of your manliness. It is in short a piece of Israeli crap. I actually asked Magnum Research what the deal was and they replied that this can happen if the shooter is firing “limp wristed”. In England being limp wristed is an anachronism for batting on the other team, so not only is the DE a piece of crap but the manufacturers think that I am a gay boy. On a more hetero note I also use a Smith and Wesson Magnum 500 which has the twin virtues of being the most powerful handgun bar none and also American made.

Now I am off to buy a Walther PPK. I know that 38 caliber is a tad girly but if the Boss can use it to blow the testes off the flies in the kitchen then at least I will have some distraction during the quiet times. By the way before you start to whine about buying American, the PPK is made under license in the US by the finest gun maker in the world, Smith and Wesson.

Ka-Boom
TCB